It’s not an understatement to say they’re some of the most important relationships we have.
We spend most of our day interacting with our colleagues and whether it’s about work or cheerful chatter these interactions add to friendships and positive relationships.
When it comes to our mental health and wellbeing, how we maintain these relationships really makes a difference.
Our colleagues can play a significant role in our lives outside of work, with some going on to become travel companions, exercise buddies, co-habitants, god parents, romantic partners, even part of our bridal/groom parties at weddings.
Back to the workplace
After more than a year away, many of us are preparing a return to the office or place of work.
Resuming the same level of face-to-face social contact might feel jarring after an extended period away from the workplace.
To help you welcome your team – and yourself – back to work, follow these quick tips:
- Pace yourself – It can be difficult to moderate expectations when there is a perceived urgency or timeline you need to build a relationship within. Communicating your boundaries and establishing shared goals will help manage expectations for everyone.
- Listen for understanding – Make time for everyone. When you take the time to actively listen to your colleagues or customers, you can see how positively they respond to you in return. The skill of actively listening will help you gain people’s trust and build strong rapport.
- Begin with the end in mind – What kind of relationship do you want to create or maintain with this person? A genuine working relationship is respectful and productive. Think about what changes might need to happen, and if it’s within your capacity to deliver, what is needed.
- Be patient – Even friendships may not immediately return to the same level immediately. It may take some time to rebuild or resume your relationship. Allowing interactions to resume at a pace you are both comfortable with and proactively addressing any issues as they arise will be vital.
- Set boundaries – Boundaries are essential to a good relationship with your colleagues. Being able to feel confident saying “no” and communicating what you can and cannot manage (especially when it comes to our workloads) can improve how you delegate and schedule your work. All these add to healthier work relationships.
It’s a cultural thing
Research by the BI Norwegian Business School also shows managers are significantly less stressed when they have solid relationships with employees.
The National Business Research Institute (NBRII) reported job satisfaction increases almost 50% when a worker develops close relationships at work.
Positive and genuine relationships between employees are a key catalyst of positive company culture.
Strong relationships are rooted in trust, with employees at highly trusted companies reporting less stress, more energy, higher productivity, fewer sick days, higher engagement, and less burnout.
This however doesn’t mean disagreements or conflicts don’t occur.
Positively managing conflict
When it comes to workplace conflict, we tend to intervene in three ways – primary (green zone), secondary (amber zone) and tertiary (red zone).
By the time we get to a tertiary (red level) intervention, substantial damage is done to both to the individuals involved and the organisation.
Improving wellbeing in your workplace can also be supported through training and mediation programs – which can better equip your team to manage their mental health and any critical incidents.
| The green zone | The amber zone | The red zone |
|---|---|---|
| Civility | Incivility | Poor health |
| Respectful disagreement |
Disrespect | Bullying and harrassment |
| Healthy conflict | Taking sides | Distress |
| Positive and supportive relationships |
Reduced productivity | Turnover |
| Open and robust conversations |
Even good relationships are complex
Not everyone we meet will agree with us on everything, no matter how strong your rapport.
What keeps us in the green zone, however, is being able to:
- Manage conflict and disagreements in a civil and respectful manner
- Reach resolutions and decisions regardless
Managing these situations reflects your individual skills and the quality of your organisational culture.
Of those surveyed by Hiscox, 92% think having friends at work improves their job satisfaction.
Amazingly the positive effects don’t finish there:
- 90% think it improves cooperation among teams
- 95% think people share ideas more freely when they have a good relationship with their colleagues
Crucial conversations
The good news for managers is there are dedicated resources available for them to navigate managing staff remotely or navigating any tricky situations that arise.
CiC’s Manager Adviceline counsellors are specially trained to provide your company’s leaders with the support they need when approaching difficult conversations.
‘Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when the stakes are high’ (Patterson, 2011) is considered a another great resource for maintaining workplace civility and productivity when conflict arises.
Some key points include:
- Identify important moments and be mindful about how you deal with them – this takes practice and training – the more you do it, the better you will be. You can enhance your training through structured mindfulness training, such as meditation and journaling.
- Take time to prepare – these important conversations deserve additional preparation and thought. However, in many instances, you will need to respond in the moment – this is where your mindfulness training should help.
- Deeply consider all perspectives – where are they coming from and why are they adopting their position on this issue? Aim for a generous and positive approach and remove as much emotion as you can from your thought process.
- Take time to understand and articulate the ‘why’ of your position – why is it you believe in a certain approach?
- Remember that the goal is not to agree, but to reach a position of understanding and respect – from that position, you can then move into a respectful negotiation and reach decisions and outcomes with civility and acceptance.
Tips for managers
- Promote and reward civility* in the workplace.
- Ensure your workplace is a psychosocially safe environment.
- Create frameworks and supports to give employees the time and space to have crucial conversations.
- Offer employees a safety-net – if the initial dialogue doesn’t reach the desired outcome, a pathway to resolution must be readily available, to ensure you ultimately avoid the ‘red zone’. An example pathway may include options for employees to access 1:1 coaching (internal or external), shared coaching and mediation/facilitated discussion supports.
*What is incivility? (and why is it important?)
Put simply, incivility is another word for rudeness.
Civility matters, in life and in the workplace.
“Incivility often comes from the pressures individuals perceive they are experiencing. Whether these pressures are real or not, one can’t just blame their organisation, their workload or ‘other people’ – accepting responsibility for their own behaviour is essential,” explains Paul Clifford from FBG Group.
A Harvard Business Review survey of over 800 workers found incivility in the workplace has substantial costs, including 40% or more of respondents reporting that they intentionally decreased their work effort, their time spent at work and the quality of their work.
“Organisations are unlikely to change uncivil behaviour through blame or zero tolerance,” said Paul.
“Instead, it’s about influencing individuals as to why it’s in their best interests to be civil in the workplace, that it makes your work life easier and makes you more likely to achieve and progress at work.”
Sources and resources
- CiC’s ‘Supporting your staff back to the office‘
- Hiscox’s research
- The Mental Health Foundation’s ‘How to look after your mental health using mindfulness‘