Taking conversations offline

Social media has changed how we communicate. It also changes our mood, our behaviour and can affect our relationships at home and work.

A survey has found one in three men experience negative feelings when scrolling social media, with roughly the same amount comparing themselves to what they see others doing.

This year, stress awareness day falls on the 1st of November and November is also men’s health awareness month so we’re exploring how social media usage can be a cause of stress following on from research into its impact on our mental health.

In the UK the number of adults using social media increased from 45% in 2011 to 71% in 2021.

Among 16 to 44-year-olds, as many as 97% of us use social media and scrolling is the most frequent online activity we perform.

With much of our energy and focus getting siphoned into social media, it’s as good to know how we can use it to have important conversations and know out limit.

An unavoidable presence

For better or for worse, the world is more connected than ever before.

MySpace. Facebook. Tumblr. Twitter. LinkedIn. Instagram. Snapchat. TikTok. Reddit. Clubhouse. Spill. And more recently, Threads.

It’s not simply to volume of content, also the increasing number of platforms and apps to keep up with.

As of April 2023, approximately 60% of the world’s population uses social media, with the average daily use coming in at two hours and 24 minutes.

While each person’s usage and experience on social media will vary, however there is no denying that the online world is an unavoidable presence in our lives.

Some of the noticeable impacts it’s having on us include:

  • Digital FOMO – the fear of missing out, seeing photos of an event we haven’t been invited to, not feeling in-the-loop and feeling replaceable as a friend, colleague, partner, family member etc.
  • Over-communication – a person or people messaging you more than you want, feeling like you don’t have mental down-time and feel pressure to always be available through your phone or device.
  • Changes in our mood – the constant refreshing, feelings of not being able to control things, wanting gratification on our posts or being ‘left on read’ is influencing our feelings of anxiety, low self-esteem and depression.
  • Change in behaviour – there are changes we can physically see such as social withdrawal, less/affected sleep, addictive behaviours, along with overt and covert checking behaviours, just to name a few.

Important conversations can happen online

Therapy, even talk therapy isn’t always the first or natural choice for someone in a rough patch.

It can be difficult to reach out for or accept help if you’re familiar with how to do it.

This is apparent, especially for men, with NHS statistics showing that they make up just 36% of referrals to NHS talking therapies.

Which can indicate a few things, primarily that men experience real or perceived social barriers when it comes to actively seeking support from mental health professionals.

It can also indicate that they are not necessarily comfortable talking about what is affecting them with another person or someone they have just met.

Interestingly, a study by an Australian researcher Dr Shiva Pedram found some people can feel more comfortable talking about their problems to an avatar over a real person because it makes them feel less judged.

So, conversations with men about wellbeing can happen through online messaging platforms first before they choose to open up further or seek a referral.

If starting a conversation online is your, or someone’s preferred method, CiC’s EAP offers support and consultations in a variety of formats, many of which are not face-to-face.

Mind also provide some comprehensive tips to help you manage online/offline balance, how to be mentally safe online and your online relationships effectively.

Regaining balance

While there is much discussion of the need to moderate, reduce, even halt our social media presence, there is little advice on how to manage after a break.

A recent study from the University of Bath found just one week off social media is enough to have a noticeable impact on our level of wellbeing, along with reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression.

When we have got to a stage of losing our balance of healthy behaviours when it comes to our physical and mental presence on social media, re-learning healthy behaviours is not automatic.

How we take a break can increase our chances of success.

What is ‘success’?

It’s a great question to set your intention for a social media break.

It might be tempting to lock your device in a drawer and throw away the key, but that isn’t an effective solution for anyone – adults or children.

A little structure can help set up or reinforce healthier activities and behaviours that are more manageable.

Things like setting a time period, which particular apps, activating app timers on your phone, not sleeping with your phone in your bedroom or having set phone-free time, are just some examples.

If any of the general signs listed below feel familiar or present for you or a loved one, it may be time to consider a break.

Signs someone may need a break from social media

  • Getting frequently annoyed or frustrated with people’s posts, comments, lack of engagement or trending topics on social media.
  • Having the habit of checking social media first thing upon waking up, before you engage with anyone else.
  • Lack of presence in daily life, checking notifications in the company of others or during an activity.
  • An increase in symptoms of anxiety or depression, such as irritability and social withdrawal.
  • Getting into arguments or unhealthy exchanges on social media and ruminating on them.

How to have an effective break from social media

  • Have a desired outcome – for your break to have the desired effect, you need to have a goal. The purpose of a break may be to stop scrolling, refraining from getting into any debates or exchanges or only using social media for a set amount of time per day.
  • Set a length of time for your break – set clear boundaries for yourself, which apps you will be taking a break from and for how long it will last.
  • Delete and disable apps – be thorough. Remove the temptation to stray back on to the apps you have chosen to take a break from by deleting the apps from your device.
  • Inform loved ones of your break – so your conspicuous absence from social media is not cause for concern for your wellbeing and they have an alternative way to contact you.
  • Fill your time – find activities or tasks to replace social media and the time you spent scrolling on it.

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